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5 ways your newborn baby will make you feel stupid...


1. Failing to dress the baby

"Holy Crap, she's strong!" Tears, limbs, fluids and worse all around as you finally have her pinned! As soon as one leg is in you kid yourself that this is it - "you've got it Dad"! But no, that leg is not in, not even close. She got it back out whilst you were concentrating on the leftie. What the hell is this onesie made out of? Levels of friction never before seen, and were they trying to break the record for number of press studs?

In reality, this is another way I've really bonded with Isla and really got to know her personality, and her mine. And during this really fun experience you will find levels of creativity that you didn't know you had, but when they are tired, fussy and just do NOT want to wear that damn onesie, you should be ready for war!

2. Talking to yourself in public

I am losing count of the amount of times I have had to apologise to people in shopping centres, parks and on the street. Whether I'm mimicking Isla's cough, singing a ridiculous song or just chatting away to her, peoples' instant reaction is one of fear and bemusement. I have gotten into the habit of cheering on Isla's sneezes and if I don't she looks really disappointed in me. So the general public around Darwin probably think I'm a complete nutter as I wander round cheering, coughing, gibbering and laughing.

It's really strange though, (probably something to do with the lack of sleep) wherever you take your baby you will barely notice anyone else around, let alone muster the energy, attitude or inclination to be self conscious about them. Quite a liberating thought!

3. Becoming an emotional wreck

As I write this I am really hoping it's not just me. But, since the arrival of our daughter, Isla, I have become an absolute softie. Crying at TV shows (the first 10 minutes of Up nearly killed me), choking up when someone tells you a story about an animal (any animal!) and really caring too much about the horrific news stories have become common for me.

You might already know that I am a teacher and I have found the way that the kids effect me in my job has really changed since having one of my own. My emotional range from empathy and pride to guilt and desperation are getting a real run out. I think this has probably really improved me in my home and work life, but hell, do I wish I could turn it off!

4. Mistakenly thinking people want to talk to me

In the last 10 months I can't even try to count on my hands the number of friends that have visited my house and not noticed me! And when they do see me, I'm lucky to even get a "Hi", because it's all about the baby now! Get used to walking down the street and stopping just to awkwardly watch someone come and talk to your baby. "You know babies don't talk, right?". A lady even hugged Isla while she was strapped to my chest!

The weird thing is though, it's way more exciting to see someone interact with your baby than with yourself. There's just a massive feeling of pride and you're totally happy to take a back seat and let your baby get the limelight. No one cares that I can clap, but I get to totally show off when my baby can!

5. Struggling to give a damn about your personal appearance

You ever turned up to work in a vomit stained shirt? You will, and worse. I answered the door mid nappy change with an arse-first Isla as the first thing to greet the poor guy who was trying to deliver our shopping, and I had to stand there with a yellow, warm stain spreading across my lovely white t-shirt as she decided that this situation wasn't embarrassing enough.

I spend so much time dressing Isla, getting together spares for her etc that I often leave the house without thinking about my hair, clothes, odour... And when I do put in some effort and dress up (to match Isla, for example) it's often short-lived; a puke, handful of mushed fruit or bumsplosion will see to that! It's still well worth getting dressed up to show off your family out and about but here's a hot tip - Spare pair of jeans and t-shirt in the car at all times. Got me out of a few embarrassing messes.

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